The DCEU hasn't all been doom and gloom. I’ll defend Man of Steel as much as Superman would defend Earth. Wonder Woman was also a welcome delight, and to quote myself, was certainly the hero the franchise didn’t deserve. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad (call me two-faced but I didn't hate the latter so much at the time), however, remain the real villains of the series, and whose incoherent and laughable plots played out like riddles or jokes. But now, Justice League commits more crimes than you’d see in Downtown Gotham on a Saturday night. I may not be the greatest detective in the world, but these atrocities are more obvious than a psychopath in clown make-up.
Following the
events of last year’s Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, where Superman
was killed in battle, Bruce Wayne becomes aware - though rather inexplicably - of
a pending alien invasion of sorts, with Earth now unguarded (like it ever
stopped the bad guys before, right?) Ancient demon/alien/demigod-thing Steppenwolf
arrives in search of some MacGuffins so that he can terra-form the planet and make it
his own (sound familiar? Zod – I mean, er, nod – if it does). Meanwhile, with the help of Diana
Prince/ Wonder Woman, Wayne starts rounding up the
Justice League. When the heroes unite, they take the battle to
the enemy.
First off the bat is Steppenwolf. Voiced by Ciaran Hinds, he is perhaps the most ill-created and two-dimensional villain in memory. But the cheap-looking visuals don't just stop there - it's green screen galore from start to finish. And then there's Cavill's upper lip (you read that right). With him being forbidden from shaving the
moustache he had to grow for next year’s Mission: Impossible 6, the studio was forced to
digitally-remove it for his scenes as Clark Kent and Superman, and the result
is just plain weird. Consequently, it feels
like Cavill isn’t really there; that he has
been entirely recreated. Even when he’s fighting - during which you'd hope not to notice - he’s all-CGI, so
you can’t win either way.
Steppenwolf: No lighting can do this guy justice...
Where the cast is concerned, luckily there’s more to like here than there isn’t. Ezra Miller is, as expected, on top form as Barry Allen/ The Flash, and Jason Momoa’s Arthur Curry/ Aquaman is devilishly-charismatic and not the fish-out-of-water like we all expected him to be, despite losing much screen time to the underwhelming and deeply-uninteresting Victor Stone/ Cyborg played by Ray Fisher. Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman lacks the flair that made her solo flick so charming, but at least helps to shoulder many of the film’s weighty problems, while Affleck looks utterly lost and bored, thus reinforcing those undying rumours that he’ll be hanging up the cowl before Matt Reeves’ own take on Batman begins.
Another problem with the Dark Knight here is that he's not so, well, dark, as he constantly undermines himself, at one point joking about how his only superpower is that he’s “rich”. Frustratingly, much like Batman V Superman, Justice League has all the right ideas in all the right places – they’re just handled horribly. Of course Batman would feel inadequate next to superhumans and gods, but be that as it may, he is in no shape or form inferior to such beings. Batman is a genius, and lest we forget he practically strangled Superman with his own ruddy cape during his last outing. Sadly - and ironically - this time he’s nothing but the film’s joker.
When Batman looks lost despite the Batsignal being up, you know there's trouble.
Ultimately, Justice League works well as a direct
sequel to Batman
V Superman. But besides the plot, that’s largely
because it’s an equal mess. Entertaining only by the skin of its teeth, it’s
worth the watch if you’ve seen all the previous entries so far. And while the heroes line-up well enough, unfortunately nothing else does.
For my full radio review review which was aired on Swindon 105.5, click here.
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