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Monday, 17 April 2017

If Hell Is Really That Hot, Then It Must Be Bangkok…


Thanks to very poor WiFi availability here in New Zealand, this post is coming to you a little late seeing as we left Bangkok some nine days ago for Auckland. It’s safe to say that the best way to start this post is to address just how nightmarishly-hot Bangkok – and undoubtedly the rest of Thailand, though we didn’t venture too far from the city. Okay, we drove a good four hours out to an Elephant Day Care centre on the River Kwai but more on that in the next post. 

Firstly, our hotel, The Rembrandt, was of five-star quality. I’m not sure what the actual rating is and I don’t plan on wasting precious WiFi privileges Googling whether it is five stars or not, but it was also dirt-cheap, as is pretty much everything else in Bangkok. And as is the case with most rooftop views of any city, those from the hotel rooftop at night are beautiful, but alarmingly there are only a handful of stars visible in an otherwise clear night sky. Yes – the smog of Bangkok is very real. Even by day a clear sky is hardly a bright blue but more of a sickly, pale blue.


Anyway, back to the heat... A staggering high-thirties temperature with intense humidity and smog on top, Bangkok is quite simply a threat to my existence. Even the locals seem to struggle. During an excruciatingly-hot tour of the temples, our guide told us many Thai people are waiting eagerly for winter (just some mid-twenties is all they ask) but have been for years. That, and a lot of the young people frequent the local coffee shops and malls for nothing more than the air-conditioning. The thought that even the Thai themselves find the heat unbearable is suffocating in itself.

As for the streets of Bangkok, as you can imagine, they’re pretty bonkers. For starters, it’s moped mania, not to mention that the rules of the roads themselves are terrifying. There’s a system in place, but to say it’s overlooked by many is an understatement. People sit a little too freely on the back of moped-taxis, while some parent-drivers have their children – mostly babies - sit on their laps with no safety belts whilst on the motorways. There’s also an unwritten “give way to the bravest” rule, which I found both amusing and scary. The streets are lined with food, food and more food. But meat that has been sat in such intense heat doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, nor does the thought of having food poisoning in such an already-uncomfortable environment.
And while we were warned about scammers and thieves, luckily we only had one brief encounter with a scammer – who we were already wise to - but then we didn’t venture beyond the semi-comfort of our vicinity. Instead, we often took sanctuary in either our hotel or the local mall, which just so happens to be the size of a small country. I’ve mentioned The Emporium in one of my recent movie reviews as it's home to the Emprive Cineplex we visited a couple of times, but the leviathan complex quickly became our safe haven, impressively boasting more food outlets and shops than you can possibly imagine. It even has a mini rainforest! Yes, a rainforest. But more excitingly we also discovered an "Uncle Tetsu's Cheesecake" outlet (a reason enough to return to Toronto, Canada though I didn't think they existed elsewhere until now). But sadly they don't accept credit card and we had no cash on us at the time...


So by day, the streets of Bangkok are just about manageable. But by night, they become much more chaotic and seemingly more dangerous. But most of all they become more disgusting - especially after a downpour. Filthy finger-long cockroaches scurry across the roads while huge rats fight to squeeze their fat bodies out of cracks in the pavements. Needless to say this made my sweat-soaked skin crawl.

Then there’s the traffic: it’s simply insane. We were told that, on average, people spend three hours a day commuting, with most getting up in the very early hours of the morning – especially those with the food stalls - to position themselves ready for the throngs of commuters starting their day. Interestingly, most people also don’t have kitchens. They can make coffee or fry eggs but that’s it. They buy food off the streets because it’s easy, fast, cheap and convenient and suits their hectic lifestyles (the women are often referred to as “plastic bag housewives” or words to that effect).



It’s an incredibly fast-paced way of life, and while the Thai's work ethic and tolerance of the heat is admirable, it’s also unenviable. The Thai people are mostly courteous, generous, accommodating and friendly (and it seems custom that they ask if you’ve head breakfast – mainly the tour guides!) yet they endure in the most unbearable heat. So what’s our excuse for being so miserable and grumpy all the time? Take note, Britain!

All in all, it was a good week and a nice pre-break before our now twenty-three day tour of New Zealand. But the truth is, with such vicious heat, you can only enjoy yourself so much. Not-so-regrettably, I didn’t scout out any famous movie locations in the Thai capital. On the other hand, using my blog as a travel journal as well as for movie reviews and movie locations makes sense, so there'll be more than plenty of variety coming up over the next ten or so weeks. After all, adventure is the closest thing to fantasy or fiction...


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