Jigsaw

Like this franchise mindlessly does away with its characters, I’ll do away with the plot or any discussion around the horror genre. So let’s cut to the case. Following a seven-year hiatus, Jigsaw has returned. While the trailer begs you to ask “how”, given that the most sadistic, self-righteous and delusional killer to have disgraced the silver screen was blatantly killed (and there’s nothing that spells blatant death like this franchise) in an earlier sequel, the question on everyone’s minds is an exasperated “why”.

A Bad Moms Christmas

When the comedy-Christmas movie isn’t a series of outlandish and non-relatable events (you all know who you are) usually fuelled by booze or bad writing or both, it can be a wonderful and heart-warming thing. It’s a bit like eggnog; you have to get the mixture just right, or it will leave a bad taste in your mouth from the offset. That, or it will just be bland and forgetful. Classics like the Home Alone movies (remind yourself that there are only two…) and Love Actually remain a lot to live up to, but that said, each to their own. After all, there are those who love Christmas Pudding, and there are those who do not. In fact, the same can be said about Christmas itself.

In the Shadow

For the past few weeks you've had to endure film review upon film review, without any posts on travel, writing or fiction! But as is the case with these colder months, venturing any further than the local cinema is unlikely. That said, I will be posting about my trip to Cheddar Gorge in the summer as well as a recent trip to Dublin and Galway in Ireland. 

Murder on the Orient Express

Based on the classic Agatha Christie novel of the same name, and following along the tracks of numerous televised adaptations, Murder on the Orient Express (2017) sees Belgian detective, Hercule Poirot, arrive in the form of an impressive-moustache-wielding Kenneth Brannagh, who also directs. After boarding the legendary train for a break from his work, Poirot meets a colourful assortment of characters (equally-colourful is the train-hoggingly-enormous cast that plays them). But when an avalanche stops the train its tracks, the passengers wake to find that one among them has been murdered in their cabin. With “probably the greatest detective in the world” on board, so begins an investigation.

Geostorm

In the near future, the earth’s weather has reached such catastrophic levels that the leaders of the world create a hi-tech, multi-satellite-strong orbital network to control the weather and prevent disaster. Three years on, random catastrophes from subzero tidal waves in Dubai to lethal post-sundown solar rays in China begin to occur. Chief Architect Jake Lawson (Butler – who else?), the original designer behind the system known as “Dutchboy”, is summoned back to the International Space Station to find out what or who is sabotaging the system, and prevent a “Geostorm” – a global meteorological event that will wipe out mankind.

Thor: Ragnarok

After defeating Surtur, a giant god-like creature hellbent on destroying Thor’s homeworld, Asgard, the God of Thunder tracks down his father, King Odin (Sir Anthony Hopkins), with the help of the portal-wielding Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberpatch). But when Odin suddenly dies, his secret firstborn daughter, Hela (Cate Blanchett), appears to assume power of the throne. Once she destroys Thor’s hammer, Mjolinir, she swiftly seizes Asgard. In trying to fight Hela, Thor and his brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), the God of Mischief, wind up on the distant garbage planet of Sakaar, where they meet allies old and new, including The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo).

Happy Death Day

When Tree Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) wakes in a stranger’s dorm, she hastily departs and sets off about her day like she would any other, save for her walk of shame across the bustling campus. That, and when she arrives at her sorority house, her roommate presents her with a birthday cupcake. But Tree doesn’t care much for carbs, or even kind gestures for that matter. When night falls, she’s stalked by someone who’s dressed as the college’s creepy baby-faced mascot. Before she’s able to get away, she’s stabbed to death. Not a moment later, she wakes in the same stranger’s dorm, recognising everything thereafter from the busy campus to the cupcake. And when night falls, the same maniac shows up and kills her all over again.

The Ritual Review

Following the death of their friend Robert in a violent burglary, a group of friends continue with their plans to go for a lads’ weekend hiking through the Swedish Mountains to honour his memory. Among them, Luke (an as usual-convincing Rafe Spall) shoulders the guilt of Robert's death and is paranoid that the others blame him. But when they suffer an injury, they exchange their mountainous trek for an apparently shorter one through the shadowy forests in the valley, where group dynamics become the least of their worries. A malevolent presence soon makes itself known, and one-by-one, as is the case in this neck of the woods within the bleak horror-verse, the friends are hunted and mutilated.

Blade Runner 2049 Review

Set 30 years after the original, Ryan Gosling’s Officer Kay – a blade runner - unearths a secret that, if exposed, will change the world and put replicants ahead of humans as the dominant species, so his only hope is to locate ex-blade runner Office Deckard (Harrison Ford) before it’s too late.

My All-Time Favourite Spine-Tinglers (Part 2)...

The unofficial “Halloween weekend” might be almost over, but the scariest night of the year is still yet to come. So as promised, here’s the list that completes my top ten scariest horror films of all time. After reading, you might want to stay well away from caves, forests, trick or treaters in general, and probably your own house. Might just be best to stay under the covers and not move until Wednesday then…