The Fate Of The Furious Aka Fast & Furious 8 Aka Fast 8 Aka GTA: The Movie

Charlize quickly regretted saying, "Don't look, but I think I know that guy..."

After spending the morning – or at least ten minutes of it – falling from an aeroplane above the Fox Glacier outside the epic mountain town of Franz Josef, I was pumped and in the mood for some more adrenaline by the evening. From the safety and comfort of a cinema seat, of course. It seemed the skydive demanded a lot of energy and by nightfall I was feeling pretty exhausted, so it made sense to relax and watch the latest The Fast & the Furious instalment, The Fate of the Furious, also confusingly known as Fast & Furious 8 or Fast 8. Why not just keep it simple eh, guys?

I’ll start by saying that the Fast franchise has come a long, long way since its drag-racing genre roots back in 2001. The films have never been strangers to action, but in moderation. By the fifth instalment (let’s not bother with titles), it had become a no-holds-barred, fully-fledged, action-stacked thrill ride that saw the gang quickly go from stealing and racing cars to fighting super-villains in order to save their ‘family.’ Well now, they’re doing the same thing but they’re also saving the world too. All that said, this film’s opening sequence does feature an obligatory drag-race so as to keep in touch with the franchise’s roots. But it just so happens to end in a humongous explosion. Because of course.

The previous instalment saw the graceful exit of the late Paul Walker’s character, Brian O'Conner, following his tragic death halfway through shooting the film. You’ll be glad to know that, despite a year of speculation, this film doesn’t include a reprisal of his character in any shape or form, be it through a new actor or via the ground-breaking special effects of its predecessor that were called upon to complete his scenes. That said, neither actor nor character have been forgotten, with both a brief mentioning and a small touching tribute which is, this time, subtle enough to not force you to pretend you’ve somehow gotten popcorn in both your eyes.

But let’s get down to business. The Fate of the Furious is, without argument, the most, ahem, ludicrous instalment of the franchise to date. The trouble is, I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not. It’s pure, brainless entertainment, whether that’s an insult or a compliment. Actually, I think it’s the latter. When a film excels at entertainment, art and storytelling simultaneously, you have a masterpiece. So I think it’s fair to say that when a film excels in just one, it’s a masterpiece in its own field.

The real trouble with these films, especially as of late, is their lack of commitment to killing off major characters. I won’t throw any spoilers in here, but for future reference the filmmakers might just want to refrain from killing anyone altogether. Another bad habit is how a number of characters – namely villains - are rewritten – or ‘ret-conned’ – to serve new storylines, despite them having been pretty darn bad in the last film. On a positive note, there’s a certain skill here to be appreciated, and I like to think of it as ‘recycling.’ In short, sometimes it works, and with Fate, I think it pays off.

As for the rest of the characters, there’s nothing new to tell. Vin Diesel’s Dom is still staring the hell out of everything, Duane 'The Rock' Johnson’s Hobbs is cracking as much wise as he did back in his glory days in the wrestling ring and is as monstrously-strong as ever, Jason Statham is still so British he’s at risk of turning into a crumpet, Michelle Rodriguez’ Letty remains horribly-smitten with Dom, and Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges and Tyrese Gibson, who play Tej and Roman, respectively, continue to offer the comic relief while they compete for the affection of Nathalie Emmanuel's zero-value-adding Ramsey. And then there’s Kurt Russell, who reprises his role as Mr. Nobody. I won’t ever say bad things about Kurt. But I have plenty of bad things to say about Charlize Theron, who plays the film’s super-duper, ultra, mega-villainous cyberterrorist Cipher.

The, erm, plot: Dom is, for reasons yet to be clear, compromised by Cipher. She wants to use his skills to help her steal a weapon of mass destruction so that she can take over the world, obviously. Although it’s really not very clear why, and this is made even fuzzier when she actually explains. So, the gang must re-re-re-re-re-re-reunite and also reluctantly employ the skills of Deckard Shaw (Statham), as well as being aided by Mr. Nobody, for reasons no one knows. But hey, he provides all the guns and the cars, so it’s all good. 

All in all, it’s pretty entertaining stuff and puts a big fat smile on your face. There’s some questionable CGI this time around though, not to mention some truly outrageously-outlandish action sequences from New York to Iceland, one which includes dozens of cars being remote-controlled by Charlize Theron’s Captain Cringe and programmed to attack the gang. Yes, yes that is a thing in the film.

All the while, I couldn’t help but wonder why the filmmakers didn’t just go the distance and set this film in space. But then two more sequels have been announced, so never say never. Now’s the time to play guess-the-name-of-the-next-movie…

To Space for the Furious?

The Lightspeed-Fast and the Furious?

It could be worse. Michael Bay could be directing. I may joke, but just somehow, the Trans-Formers really wouldn’t have felt so out of place in this film.